The quick wit
Knows his shit
He'll be a hit
If he'd only quit,
Relax and sit,
Pull his tit a bit,
Stop having a fit.
Party Time
Wine women make wisdom
Tis party time in this quiet kingdom
It's Poem time.
Time again to make a rhyme
And dig thought out my mental slime
To find a nickel coated coper dime
And Hopefully an Unsqueezed lime.

The child's full of joy
with his brand new toy
But later in life
After maturation's strife
He'll get the most fun of all
with a simple little ball,
Watch Yer Step, My Son
My son ran down the hall
To answer nature'c call
But he tripped and had a fall
Slipped on his little red rubber ball
Now, his voice will ne'er be a drawl
Sam's Pimple
Sam was simple
On his girl he saw a nipple
Mistook it for a pimple
But he was so dim,
he called it a dimple

The lonely fool drifts seaward
Feeling sick, he hangs to leeward
This bard
Tis full of lard
To leave his calling card
Like he's some dumb retard
So let's send him toward
When you loose your pluck
Some quiet hospital ward
Behind his back his hands they'll tie
Make him live in a pigsty
Untill the day he die
And no one will ever cry
Though to heaven his soul will fly
While eating butter and tasted rye
And nay even a slice of pie
I've got the munchies, cause I'me high
Hope this poem somebody will buy
If not I'll be high and dry!

Betty doesn't want my love
But she has it just the same
I love her cause she acts inane
Especially when we're stoned insane
Together we eliminate all worldly pain
I walk down the lane
With my rickety cane
Accomanied by a doggy dane
The only one of us that's sane
The sun beats down the endless plain
Not a cloud in sight to frocast rain
So I open an umbrella, the gods to feign
But I'm greeted by a vulture crane
Who know my strength will surely wain
The sky, the clouds
No noisey crowds
In the thicket chirps a cricket
He sings a lonesome lonely song
For his love he dearly longs
Below the dust
Odor of decay and must
The bones left by a coyotes lust
A can of beans left out to rust

Is the bird really free
As he sits in his tree?
If he sees a fly
As it flies by
Can the bird still sit
Or will it have a fit
If he doesn't catch that nit?
Must he play his role
Leave his comfy pole
And catch his goal?
Salvation for a Soul
Cliff
Is Adrift
He's fallen in a rift
His thought we must sift
Hid ideas he must shift
So his mind we might lift

I'll hunt about the forest
Stalk throught the trees
Like a brave Indian scout
Ramble round about
Stand up proud, tall , and stout
Nobe as a concrete lion water spout
But I fear I've lost the bout
Perhaps one will prod hid rodJust a brat who like to pout
And on the noggin gets a clout
Oh noble Indian Scout!
In the Library Across the Table
There's a pretty girl accross the table
With fine glossy hair as soft as sable
Though text I scan I read unstable
Hoping for her friendly smile
If by fortune, she is able
To appreciate my winking eye
Or humerous bullshit fable

Though she says she's sleeping
I know at night she's been creeping.
Such lies make my broken heart go bleeping
Send my weary eys to weeping
Cause through her window I've been peeking!
How Shall I Win My Love?
How shall I win my love?
With volumes of learned prose
In neatly written rows
Taking carefully planned repose
Watering flowers with a garden hose
Thoughtfully picking my clean and noble nose
Clippingf and filing clean smooth my well turned toes
Wearing neatly fitted clothes
Satin shirts with colorfull bows
And a sprinkling of crip cologne
With the fragrance of a rose

Hum
a sweet Plum for my tum
Wash it down with a pint of rum
A few pills form Pete , the pusher in the slum
In the Garbage cans I'll find many a crumb
Soul Satisfied I'll find a banjo and strum.
The Happy Bum
Strums a Banjo on his tum,
Eats a crumn.
Drinks his rum
Hums a tune in the slum.
Feels quite numb,
crashes mum.
Poor guy get rolled and beaten dumb.
The punks have fun,
Chew their gum,
But from the Bum don't get a great sum
Return to Table of InContinents
The Quick Wit
The Loon

Lost Bird Droppings
Woe is me
I've lost my Betty
Loved one lost and lately loney
Languish
Anguish
Anxious for her smile
Hidden by a distant mile
Hours passing single file
Infinite as time itself
Impossible to buy as health
Hell with you
Bitch!
Naked memory without a stich
You whitewashed T-rd
Of an extinct bird
He rests his eyes and recourse
Reels with unreal reverie
Peruses the placid pleasures past
But knows that things
Will never be the same
What a sad and sinister shame
He'll never find one
Quite the same.

Hal was my Pal at Cal
And Sal was my Gal
Jill gave me a Thrill
But Ruined My Till
or
Chills and Thrills for a Few Bills
Jill went to the window sill
To give her flower pot a fill
While at the sill she caught a chill
And for her chill she took a pill
Then in the door came friendly Will
They got her cot and had a thrill
And jill forgot about her chill
As well as another important pill
Till she got hungry for pikles with dill
And poor Willie got stuck with the bill
Nonsense
Spence
Didn't have any sence
He climbed a picket fence
Tore his pants and lost his pence
Like I said,
He didn't have any cents!

Derailed Choo Choo
I'm a train that's off its track
I've lost my favorite crack
And though smoke pours out of my stack
I never will get back
Even with my power pack
That I keep in a gunny sack
Cause my wheel's gone flat
I've run over a tack
The flat make my ride like a torture rack
Feels sick like I've eaten a poisoned snack
Reading this poem by a crazy hack
Will get her so mad she'll give me a whack
Smack on my back
And mabe get me back on the track
Her Damn Lies
I don't know why
She has to lie
Perhaps she's shy
Or keeps her high
But makes me sigh
And sometimes cry
Think I'll grab a pie
Throw it in her eye!

She work hard all her life
Weathered all manner of strife
But were not afraid to complain
She holds so much in great disdain
Doesn't know she acts inane
It justifies her suffering and her pain
And why she limps with a walking cane
Stays indoors when it's wet and rains
Crust Without Crumbs
She's of the upper crust
In her house you'll find no dust
Nor the odor of mold and must
Flies about like a windy gust
For wealth and fame she has a lust
No time for a man who'll sit and rust.

There's her lover
On the cover
Clyde
In T.V. guide
She keeps him alway on her side
In no one else can she confide.
The Storm is Over
The storm is over
I can still hear faint rolling thunder
And see the lighting flickering over disant mountains
Horizon of my mind
The feeling lingers
Drench earth and misty air
Some unseen force disturbing the atoms
Unleashing agitated ions
TO danse electric through my flesh
Hastened heartbeat as the thought
Of weathering the maelstom once again.
Ah yes the storm is over
Its dark angry clouds have scattered
Clearing skys and sparkling stars instead
Still, the dark shadows of the night
Obscure the landscape and the path
Tha I've just led
The past love that I've just left
Yet
It lingers on.

The Craft and the Raft
He built a sturdy little raft
Though meager was his craft.
But out to sea the boy went daft
Thinking that he'd got the shaft
Just then his craft
struck a shaft
Sank his raft
He did't cry
He only Laghed
Hanging on his sinking raft
Diet Cheat
Hmmm Good
How delicious
So nutricious
Tasty food so good to eat
For my tummy such a treat
Scrumptious delicacy from Crete
On my diet I will cheat
For a dish so attractive and neat
So spicy strong and full of heat
She can't be beat

The Dropped Ice Cream Cone
He dropped the precious ice cream cone,
So he picked up a stone.
Threw it at a dog and made hime loose his bone
Made a nasty call on the telephone
Shouted at his mother with an evil tone
Till his older brother came,
And kicked him in the shin bone
Punched him in the face
Gave him and eye that shone
Said,"Watch yer tone on that telephone
And where's my ice cream cone?
Hapiness in Your Ear
Joyous hapiness
Grinning ear to ear
Where are you?
Where did you go?
Why the hell can I write poetry
Only when I'm bummed out?

I sit on top of the dell,
And ring my moisy bell,
For I have all to tell
The World is going to hell!
The Grumpy Bitch
Is an Ugly Witch
She carries around a stout hick'ry switch
To beat upon people's most sensitive nitch
She like to pick on those not rich
Whenever she's got a crabby itch
Cause her life never flows without a hitch
Her minds never too far from a drainage ditch
Ain't no Mud 'Tween the toes
If you've got web feet
Pass the buck
When you loose your pluck
And yer stuck in the muck
Soon you'll find out
No one gives a F--k
For a laughing lame duck
Who ain't got no luck.

At My Desk With My Text
Studying late
Withour any date
On an April Saturday night
Makes me feel full of spite
Perhaps uptight!
Wonder about my would be companion
If she's with some sex starved stalion
Who'll perform some service
Better than when I'm nervous
Vice doth entice
Make intimacy splice
So now I just get a slice
And now sit on the ice.
Stale Bitter Ale Blues
The sky is cloudy
High cumulus hides the sun
Such is not a day on which to die
Though it depresses enough to cry
She's put me in a sour mood
Her actions so unfair and crude
Acting like a fickle prude
Though she's not ashamed when lying nude
She accuses me of acting rude
My feelings are growing quickly stale
Like a long oped can of bitter ale.

I sit on my cot
And smoke some pot
The rain beats on my tent
An makes it bent
Bad as my car with the dent
That I wish I never lent.
I tak a long toke
Of hot pot smoke
Comes out my ears
But it rids me of tears
Better than a six pack of beers
Dreamy as a catalog from Sear's
Ocean Jetty Blues
Siting on this Ocean Jetty
I dream about my true love Betty
Even though I go with Joan
My heart is simply on a loan
That's why I act cold as stone
I speak my piece with such a hard tone
Like a dog who's lost his bone
It's terrible how I cut and moan
A dull rusty knife that needs a hone.

The Noble Beast
Kills his prey and has a feast
Makes his tummy rise like yeast
Bedtime Rush Hour
From my teeth I clean the mush,
With a purple nylon brush.
She's impatient, I must rush
Her roomate's sleeping, I must hush.
Clorinated Gym
Jim
Kept his body slim
By going for a long wet swim
Though the chlorine made his vision dim

Lets use our might
Show who is right
Make those baddies see the light
We'll fly our formation tight
Come diving out of the sun so bright
Our bombs will make them contrite
So sorry will be their miserable plight
Ha!
There is the light!
Pouring through the tops of their blown off heads
Short Snort
Life is short
Wit is shown be quick retort
But little can be done for an ugly wart

I shall go to the sea in my sturdy vessel,
Brave the mighty ocean waves.
Prove I'm no ones slave.
Not living in a cramped city enclave!
Can't feel sorry if I'm nobody's quarry
Everyday will be quite a party
When day is done and I've run out of fun
I'll just write rhymes and puns,
Though I'd really rather just squeeze
A pretty girl's buns.
Perch in a church
Lurch
Go to Church
Dig you claws into a perch
Forget about the truthfull search.
Leave the sky
Hide from the clouds
Dissappear into the swirling crowds.
From you chair remove the castor
Stare at the ornate plaster
Be aloof
Find a sooth
Under a roof.

How are you?
Are you feeling blue?
Sat down on a tube
Of airplane glue?
Found a treasure map
But can't figure the clue
Your confusion
May be illusion
A contusion that's only a smudge
From careless fudge
Or accumulated sluge
Muddle
Fuddle
Sat down on a cold wet Puddle
Just whe you've found someone to Cuddle
Soaked to the bone
From sticky spilled coke
Took your pants to the cleaners
And now you're broke
Such Luck
Make you feel like an ugly duck
Whose quack sounds like a cluck
And never will be free from the muck

I'm the Goose, You're the Worm
Slinky worm hiding in the grass
From a silly old goose
More interested in playing
Hide and Seek
Than finding someone to eat
It's a gass
Playing in the grass
But the swamp gas chokes the goose
And that's no fun
Cough Cough
Caught a cold?
Cold feet more or less
I guess
So the silly ole goose
Best find some other worm
To pick on
Be thick on
Get sick on
Crazy words
Lazy words
Nuthin' but turds
Followin' herds of gladness
Then sadness.

I tow my hoe accross the fields
It drags through earth and breaks on a stone
To fix it I'll need a loan
At least I won't need a new stone
Especially when I'm drunk and prone
And lacking any muscle tone.
Totem Poem
It's time to sit down
And write a Poem
As I relax and get unwound
I think about my Totem
Not everybody's get a totem pole
Or even a love hole
Put the totem in the hole
That's the goal

She's a beauty
But her mind is fuity
The maid drunk to much grog
Put on her wooden togs
And ran out into the fog
Tripped on a moldy log
Sprained her ankle
And,
Was raped by a horny hog.
Ooops!
Sank down onto the bog
But was rescued by a rooting hog.
Crazy Lady
My loves a crazy lady
Who deals a mite to shady
Teases me and called me 'fraidy
Cause I'l never call her Saidie.

She touches a feather against my nose
Makes me sneeze
Tickles my toes
She likes to tease
Giggles and laughs
I cry, "Stop it please!
Have you gone daft?"
But somehow it puts my soul at ease
That
A fruitbowl
And a piece of cheese
Joan's Pies
Joany, Joany
Full of baloney
When I'm with her
I'm still lonely
When she wants me close
All she does is shove me
Further away
It's the only way
She knows how to play
Throwing pieces of clay
Mudpies on a silver tray
Making fun of everything I say

Flim
Flam
Crazy Sam's gone on the lam
Though his moter's got a burned out cam
Make his car go bomm-boom-BAM!
A dime for the time
If I keep this up
Till its time to sup
Is it such a crime
To waist much time
Making up silly rhyme
That ain't worth a dime
Syncompated Night Sectretary
She's a good chick
Though a bit thick
With a nervous tic
Tikles my wick
Makes my tummy hic
When she swings my pick
cracks my stick

Sunlight
Glitering on the golden stream
As i dine on peach Ice Cream
Served on an engraved plastic dish
While up from the wave leaps a silver fish
On the hook I thread the worm
The bloody thing tries to bite my derm
And the sea gull
Flies by my rotting hull.
Going Mad Getting Sick
I'm ranting
Raving
Always slaving
Slobbering
Sullen
Sadened too
Silly and seductive
Sanguine
Sunken
Even Sick

Nonsense fence
Hence but nevermore
Rotten to the core
Grocery Store
Folklore
Obnoxious bore
COme to the fore
Lay on the floor
Lion's roar
who keeps the score
Onward
Upward
Touch the sky
Do or die
Swim the sty
Gobble the pie
Ignore the cry
Wonder why?

Nonsense fence
Hence but nevermore
Rotten to the core
Grocery Store
Folklore
Obnoxious bore
COme to the fore
Lay on the floor
Lion's roar
who keeps the score
Onward
Upward
Touch the sky
Do or die
Swim the sty
Gobble the pie
Ignore the cry
Wonder why?

Mt love ain't no dove
She likes to push and shove
Her name is Livy
She like to pull my skivy
Talk like she's in a privy.
She chews her cud
And sucks my blood
Someday she'll bury me in mud
And if a flower grows o'r my grave
She'll probably pick the bud

The farmer's in pain
For lack of rain
He'll lose his crop of sugar cane.
Yet he thinks he has nothing to fear
For over the hill a dark cloud appear
But when the cloud draws near
From his eye runs a tear
His vision loses focus
For the cloud's but a plague of locusts
Peanut butter marine
Strict
Restrict
Constrict
Discipline
Self-discipline
Makes a man
Tall hansome and tan
Come out of a can
Like Peter Pan

The Loone
The Loone
Whistles a tune
While gazing at the Moon
Hopes his Love will fly home soon
Her presence will be a joyous boon
They'll celebrate by feasting on cloistered prune
Hee'll make a gift of his choicest plume
Plastic Surf
Lets's go down by the Surf
And lie on the Astro-turf
No Nuthin Know-it-all
If I knew all that's known
I'd know but but a tiny fraction
of what I'd have to know
If I knew Everything
The Dump
Hump
Grump
My ego's in the sump
My Throat's got a lump
I just got the dump!

Pork Chop hill,
Gave the Major quite a thrill,
So many Enemy did he kill
But not for Solder Bill!
Better to have died like a pig in the swill
Ain't no pill that can cure his ill
To spend his life in an iron gill
Loom Toom
There he sits
Wonders what went wrong
While they make a sing-a-long
Can he clean his room?
Will he meet his doom?
Under a concrete toom?
Or work at a factory loom?

Truck Luck
Frank stormed out of the house
And Got into his Ford
With his wife and friends
He couln'd read accord
So much frustration Hate and Anger
Had he finally stored
With his life and family strife
He was greatly bored
Down the Highway driving fast
He headed his car toward
When you loose your pluck
The evening traffic was a times static
So the road he tried to hoard
Till he crossed a Mac Truck
Driven by a fat shmuck
Now Frank's met his Lord.

Jill went to the window sill
To give her flower pot a fill
While at the sill she caught a chill
And for her chill she took a pill
Then in the door came friendly Will
They got her cot and had a thrill
And jill forgot about her chill
As well as another important pill
Till she got hungry for pikles with dill
And poor Willie got stuck with the bill
Nonsense
Spence
Didn't have any sence
He climbed a picket fence
Tore his pants and lost his pence
Like I said,
He didn't have any cents!

Honor Roll
Death Toll
Flag pole
botomless hole
The humble home
Of a burrowing Mole
Depressed Caress
Undressed
I feel depressed
Though by her my body is caressed
My life has been overstressed
My worldly plans have gotten messed.

Eat some food
If I'm in the mood
It rings the bell
Wish it didn't make my tummy swell
Oh well
What the hell
What does it matter if I live in a shell
Hidden under a fog bound dell?
Corn Flake Fake
Fake
Flake
Burned at the stake
On the make
For the Lord's sake
Tasteless Cake
Coals to rake
Burning lake
Drown the fake.

The night was dark
The park was stark
It's trees were bare
From lack of care
And Exhaust fumes in the air
The animal was a stuffed teddy bear
Covered with synthetic pink hair
Some child discarded 'cause it had a tare
"come to my lair"
Beconed the Pink Teddy Bear
Forget your trouble , have no care
We'll have fun when we're undressed and bare
Just say I've nothing to wear
Though to the judge, you wouldn't swear

So you want to meet a girl
And have a happy whirl
First
Don't look for a perfect pearl
Or even the biggest pearl
Perfect Pearls are likely to be Synthetic
Plastic or even downright phoney
"Perfect" girls are aften full of baloney
The biggest pearls cast more than their worth
An generally are big
because they're full of hot air f
Just as the people who wear them
Besides
Who needs a bunch of hot air
When things get hot and sticky
So get a nice pearl
A happy Girl
Someone who'll give you a joyfull whirl
A genuine pearl that won't crack in you bite it
Butr not one that costs more than its worth
A pearl with a few defects that don't show
If you mount it right
Besides
Little defects are seen only by those that look close
So, do want the whole world looking at your girl
Especially when properly mounted

How are you?
Have you got the flu?
(If you don't I'll sue
Or give you poisonous brew
I'm feeling fine
(Though not quite devine
As I sit and pine)
I must play the game
To make her tame
Just the same
She doesn't remember my name!
(Just a line I pitch
When I've got the itch)
Great feelings of shame
Through my body came
I wanted to maim
That rotten dame
Sp I told a lie
Said I'd drop by
Picked up a whipped cream pie
Threw it in her eye
Made her stop and cry
Said "See ya by-n-by
(but it was only a dream
a silly moon beam)

At Port
Though no famous port will I reach
If my adorn my head with gold
Al I've got to do
Is on my head
Pour some bleach!
The Man, And The Dogwood Tree
In the country
I climbed a tree
And felt free
Then at the top of the tree
For all to see
I showed how far I could pee
A Bass with a Tail
She's a fine and pretty lass
She's noble and high class
But still a pain in the ass
So I'll go out and fish for bass
Say goodby to the lass
Get off my ass
Leave the class
Fish for bass.

Trapped in this mire
It will be my funeral pyre
That's a helluva way to expire
I'd much prefer to retire
And relax around a roaring fire
I'm stuck in the mud
A stick in the mud
Like a kid who crwls on the rug
I've got to have something to hug
Life keeps giving me a tug
Wish there was somebody else to bug
Insane Dane
With his hairy mane
Walked down the street with his rickety cane
Just a pain
From the fall he took in the lane
Soon all his strength wil wane
Washed away like the rain
He'll be buried out on the plane.

I'm so sad
Why on earth do I feel so bad
Think that I've been had
Frustrated hopeles college grad
Whipped and beaten
By a swarm of mosquitos eaten
Down my cheek a lonesome tear
I wipe my eyes and scratch my ear
The end of the world , I fear , is near
Standiong on this cliff so shear
The howling wind a ghostly jeer
I pop a can of foamy beer
And give 'em back an ugly leer.
Don't ever trust
a chick with such crust
One that filled with possesive lust
All she wants is your heart to bust
And turn your independant will to dust
She's full of lies
Garbage attracting flies
But she burns her victems
You seldom hear their cries
Uses their ash to ice her mud pies

The stupid goose
Ran Loose
And ended up in a trapper's noose
Poor Goose
Now he's caught
And only his neck is loose

Daily Grind
Caught in a bind
Time is a fox
Nipping at my hocks
And I never get a chance
To darn my worn out socks.
The Hungry Clam
Damn
Slam
Can't open this clam
Caught by Fisherman Sam
My kids ain't fed
So I put them to bed
Till I can take them to their Uncle Ted
Though He's a louse Commie Red
I'll board a ship
Take a cruise on the Med
Till I've grown old
Feeble and dead.

If you're looking for God
Stich your head in the sod
Your ass will be a good lighting rod
When it strikes you'll get a good prod
Then over your grave will your followers trod
Perhaps one will prod hid rod
Into the Sod
And Say,
He's found God
Ring-a-ding Thing
He put on his ring
And went for a fling
To have a good time, drink wine, and sing
But on his way, he tripped on a string
Landed on a bee and got a sting
Things might have been worse
Cause
At least he didn't bust his thing

Her hair is quite fair
That's why I stare
The color of her pants matches my ink
And make me think:
What would happen if I gave her a wink,
Would her face turn pink?
"Come into my lair"
He said with suave flare
"It's just down the sair.
Then off you body, your clothes I'll tear
To see how you figure looks bare".
Something in her eyes said:
"My face will turn Red
If you touch one thread
I'd slap you're wrists and send you to bed
Without being fed
You're lucky if I don't bust your head
Bill bit his finger nail
Soaked his foot in a water pail
Should have never grabs her by the tail
Even if he'd drunk a qart of ale
But how'd he know she'd pick him up
And throw him over the rail?

I though I felt a summer breeze
Tilly turned on the fan to tease
Waved a gun
Said," Reach for the Sun!"
(Thinking that she was havin so much fun)
But the Gun went off.
Now she hears the jury scoff
Tillie thinks it'll help her case
To go to the trial wearing fancy lace
And off to the judge
Some sweet chocolate fudge
It was just a dream
My mind drifting in a vapor stream
Flowing like melted ice cream
From the warmth of a hot sun beam

Be happy at your work
Cried the sweaty Turk
Go out and chop wood
As hard as you know you should
Clean the grease off the docks
Darn and mend your socks.
Naughty Thought
Write down a thought
That my mind momentarily caught
About some dream thing I have sought
That with money I could have bought
Or made with knowlege, self taught
Things I like to do but shouldn't ought
It'll all come to naught

He'd be a Great Creative Genius
If he'd forget about his penis
But without it's imperative state
He probably couldn't creat!
A Hug from a Rug
Guys look for a girl
Who's perfect as a pearl
As though they wer a fine rich earl
And not a bumbly dweeb named earl
Or a clown copying Milton Berl
Whith their ugly homely mugs
And complexions smooth as rugs
No wonder girls reply with shrugs
But have her drink a mug
And give a warm afectionate hug
And get her down on that rug
Then She'll not shrug